Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
