She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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