I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
