why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
