Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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