? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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