Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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