i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize