i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
