: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
