Don't make out with my wife yet
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
