you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
