I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
