oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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