Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
