he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
