My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
