If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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