garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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