Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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