Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
