You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love you.
Bad choice
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
