Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
