Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
