I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
