just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
