Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
