If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
