Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
