So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
