You're my little dorito
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
