Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
