Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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