I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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