The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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