Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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