dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize