Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
