i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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