they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
