you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just google imaged poop.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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