watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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