i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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