dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
