Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
