3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
