When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
