Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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