wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
