there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
