You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
