they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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