I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
