I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
