"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
