Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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