We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
