This girl is more easily done than said...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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