I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
