Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just want to make out with him forever
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
