CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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