Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
