I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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