My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
