Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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