She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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