yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
