i just google imaged poop.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
