Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize