I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
