yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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