you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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