I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
