it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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