i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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