but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
