My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
