can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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