nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
